ASK my Father's COCK no offense this is the name of the programme

This week lim peh got a letter from a 15 year old boy about his problem with Standard English

Dear LPSC,

I am a native speaker of English. I took great umbrage to people who don't speak English in the proper way. which makes up 99.999999999999999 % . and i got sick of speaking Standard English as no one understand my talk. CReme of the creme . or coup de grace.

First, I take utmost disgrace for my fellow peers who fail to understand what i am saying. In reply, they spouted some Hokkien words at me like " ***********" (censored) this absurd behaviour is not acceptable. Everyone just don't understand. They can only know what is "lehs , lahs andmehs" . i have serious communication problem.

Even the teachers have difficulty, whenever i asked a question, they would flip their DICT. to make out what i was trying to say. but even then, they still cant answer my doubts . when i say i catch no ball, they thought i am gonna grab their balls. thus i was slapped .

Durin recess, i find it hard to order simple food. Cant the vendors understand what is chinese noodle with extra minced pork and green vegetables with extra gravy?????

What shoulld i do?? pls help

Mr Ang Moh lang




DEar Mr Ang,

Lim peh says , I doncht noe what your England is about. i wonder why ur inglish so lousy . lim peh also catch none of your balls. pls lah speak in our native way for sake of everyone.
Lim peh also interviewed some of the teachers.

Maths Teacher, Mr singh inglish said, " wah lao , his england very tokong leh. si beh chim sia. damn even me also grab no balls "

English Teacher says," He is one of the very few problematic students in our school. NOw every teachers are required to bring their pocket Dict.s to school .".

Here are some suggestions by lim peh for you problematic child. :
1) sing your fav. UK hits during music lesson.
2) squeeze your classmates' balls during recess to make sure they can catch your ball .
3) only work with the birds of the same feathers ( which is only you) during science practical.

Here are a few words from lim peh.

When in rome , do what the Roman does.
When in S'pore, talk how the singaporeans talk.

Announcement
DEserted forum drying up .

to all readers , are you curious about how birds fly? do you wanna know why gays are homo? Do you know the secret to genetically modified underwears?
here is what lim peh found for your doubts. Bio forum ( started last yr deserted last yr founded by Mr aurl ) can answer all your stupid nonsense. just visit http://groups.msn.com/unitybio
Lim peh will be there to help lost desert camel ,...see yah