UNDIES posting!!!!

are you people afraid of ghosts? hahha our brother lim peh is; he likes shark tale more. but oh anyway, the so-called HELL GATES are opening tomorrow.


THE HUNGRY GHOST FESTIVAL!

it's the same thing every year. yes ghosts from different origins will be roaming the streets. some with a lost limb due to unexperienced wrestling actions, some with a missing eye due to poor bowing skills, some with awfully dented penises due to excessive intercourse, some with over-swollen breasts due to excessive milk loss. we will also see superstitious aunties or ah ma's offering famous amos cookies and Bacardi 151 to our Hao Xiong Di's. not forgetting hell-bank notes with BAKA's face printed on it.



everyone must have heard stories about the chinese's seventh month. believe it or not, they are really true. trust me. i dont lie (hahaha yea right). oh well, it's just quite disturbing to constantly remind yourself that a ghost may be just beside you. but still people, proceed with caution. you may not be reading this post alone...................

haiya actually there isnt anything special about this. im here to share with Phippino maids the various cautions you have to take to SURVIVE the seventh month. c'mon, i know you are thinking it's bullshit. but hey, there are really cases of possession and death during the ghost month! just, trust me. really, trust me. trust me.

FOR THE MAIDS COMING TO SINGAPORE IN JULY
1. make sure your name isnt Rosa or Esther, if not Chen Shu Cheng and Hong Hui Fang will not help deliver your letters home.
2. make sure the family you are working for does not have any individual named Ah Soon.
3. do not come to Singapore and work if your brother has kidney failure.
4. best solution still, DON'T COME TO SINGAPORE IN JULY!

FOR MAIDS ALREADY IN SINGAPORE
1. if the family you are working for performs for the Hungry Ghost Festival, pray to God on how much you dont wish to die.
2. if the family you are working for performs for the Hungry Ghost Festival, search and rip open the drums for dead corpses.
3. do not make friends with handsome and half-deaf postmen.
4. do not wear any clothes that was worn by the previous maid, if not the maid next door will freak out and commit suicide.
5. unless your masters arent Chen Shu Cheng AND Hong Hui Fang, post your letters yourself.
6. if there's an Ah Soon, RUN BACK TO PHILIPPINES!

freaking out already? actually, there is a possibility that the family you are working for has a member who is already dead, but visible to you. dont worry. just carry out these simple experiments.

TEST FOR CATIONS GHOSTS
1. display the famous amos cookies on the alter and see which fool actually go and eat it.
2. bring the suspected individual out, and see if any biker deliberately attempt to knock him down.
3. bring the suspected individual out for dinner, and see if any hawker cleaner sweeps rubbish on him on purpose.
4. if the results of the above experiments are positive, RUN BACK TO PHILIPPINES!

basically, that's all the research EVERY maid should do in order to breathe through the helluva hellacious month. bear those in mind okay?

what? normal Singaporeans, you want ways to survive the month too? unfortunately i cant think of any. just be prepared to see heads rolling on buses floor.


let's go to the opposite now.

when there are scumbags who fear that gah-gah will swallow them up, there's definitely this adventurous group of people who loves ghosts. UNDIES will now provide all of you the ways to see ghosts! for the curious and adventurous ones only. kids, dont try these at home or in public or anywhere.

10 WAYS TO SEE GHOST.
1. watch The Eye 10.
1. go to your friends' chalet and borrow the book 10 Ways to See Ghost and use each page as toilet paper.
2. sweep up burnt incense ashes because they are dirty and disturbing to the sight.
3. go watch any Hungry Ghost Festival performance and be kiasu by picking the first roll's seats because they are empty!
4. make friends with BAKA.
5. visit your school's DNT room's nearest toilet, and try to discover why there isnt a washroom for the ladies.
6. join WWE and get irritated by Boogeyman.
7. wear red undies to bed.
8. hang up fully-blooded sanitary pads, hoping they will dry up and hence reusable.
9. read the bible and the Holy Ghost to come to you (:
10. look into the mirror. do nothing, just look.

but really people. you dont have to worry so much about this month (except the maids, of course). just be cool, read Lim Pei Shitty Cock daily and that's the best way to keep ghosts away from you!



and OH. im here for another advertisement! check this out.



needless to explain, right? :D